Sometimes you just have to take life one step at a time. I have been telling myself this a lot lately as the storm in my life is still swirling out of control. I still feel so out of control. My dad lays in a hospital bed so confused about what all is going on. My mom is putting on her strong face while she is falling apart inside. My sister is waiting anxiously to meet her first child. Hubby is trying to hold it together but I know he is hurting as my Dad is the only father figure he has ever had. My kids cannot possibly understand the depth of this storm yet they are being troopers with the change in pace.
I was woken up in the middle of the night by a storm rolling in. We were on family vacation at a ranch in the middle of nowhere so hearing the wind come in was different than here in the city. Wide open country, the wind swirling around the hills, lightening creating an everlasting glow over the country side.
“Incredible change happens in your life when you decide to take control of what you do have power over instead of craving control over what you don’t.”- Steve Maraboli
Twas the 3 months before Christmas and all through the house, not a creature was stirring-namely my spouse. The stockings weren’t hung by the chimney with care & the tree was still boxed, in the attic somewhere. My cherubs were nestled all snug in their beds, while holiday panic danced in my head…..(Doesn’t anyone realize that this whole house has to get decorated ASAP and in accordance with this year’s holiday theme???)
I relay this Christmas rhyme (in May), not to demonstrate that I have lost my marbles, but to confess to you (and to myself) that I struggle with CONTROL ISSUES!!! I wish I could say that my control issues are “seasonal” or even “Christmas tree related”…they aren’t.
Turns out, my desire for control is a 365 day dilemma.
There….my secret is out. I am acknowledging my struggle…and acknowledgement is the first step toward change.
My second step led me to seek a solution. After all, I am in the business of solutions (sort of) & I can’t expect my clients to commit to meaningful life change, if I am not willing to walk that path myself.
So I started walking and walking toward change.. Walking is hard. Walking is really hard , and tiring, & it feels like I am walking in circles. Frankly, this path is crap & needs paving! .
Detours were ambiguously marked by anger, frustration, or anxiety. Dead ends signs screamed TURN BACK NOW!!! THIS IS beyond YOUR control.
So I set myself on cruise control & instead of wandering in circles, I found THE CIRCLE. I have explained it below in hopes it will pave the way for you too.
As you chart your course fellow control freaks…please be kind yourself. The journey is long & you are are not lost; You are “Under Construction”-Remember to conserve fuel by focusing only on what you have control over. You’ll need more than your fair share of fuel for the twists & turns ahead.
I didn’t want to get out bed this morning
I just wanted another couples hours sleep
I had to get up
now its a ponytail hair day since there is not enough time to wash it
kids are up
youngest’s alarm didn’t go off so rush to wake him up
have I mentioned yet how hard it is to get him up some mornings?
but now having a meltdown since he slapped himself in the face with a coat hanger
Kids are at school on time!
rush home to shove some breakfast down and grab something from fridge for lunch
pour coffee in to go cup even though it’s cold now
time to get on the road for the hour commute to the office
crap, not enough gas to get to work
quick stop at gas station
1st pump was broken, have to wait in line for one that works
gas is pumping so it’s time to clean out the trash
open back of truck to find oldest’s baseball bag
the one he needs for his 6pm game
the 6pm game I don’t plan to be at since it is my late night at the office
immediately decided to not call hubby to tell him
believe me, it is easier this way
I don’t have time to meet him or run it back to house
the game will go on.
On the road
I will be at office with 3 minutes to spare before my first is scheduled to arrive
I’m stressed as I hate to be late but there is nothing else I can do
traffic is not in my control
turn up the radio and enjoy some me time
success, I beat WAZE by 5 minutes
I have 8 minutes to press my Rest button
We all need to stop and push our RESET button sometimes
"I am trying to feel confident."
Sunday, the day of rest. Honestly I try to enforce this in my home but commitments out of my control, aka my son’s baseball have taken over our Sunday afternoons for a while now.
Today I am thankful for Easter Sunday as we are observing the day of rest and plan to spend it with family. It has been a busy few days around my house as we have been building a new fence, thanks to recent Texas Spring Storms, so we need to rest.
Practicing self care is something I talk a lot about with my client’s and I admit I am not a pro. Being a therapist on top of being a mom on top of being a wife makes self care something I can not not make time for. It must be a priority and something I plan and practice with purpose.
“be more flexible” he says……The act of being flexible – ready and able to change so as to adapt to different circumstance.
This is not one of my strengths hence why it is a frequent conversation my husband and I have. I prefer to stick to my to do list, my schedule, my plan. Being married to a man who lives life by the seat of his pants challenges me to say the least. “be more flexible…” he says