R.E.A.L. Housewives

“It was the best of times. It was the worst of times.” – Charles Dickens

     

Good old Charles….He pretty much summed up motherhood while singlehandedly managing to write a classic tale of two cities.

I’ll be honest that lately mommin’ has just felt like the worst of times…I.e…Waking up with Shelf Elf Anxiety (It’s really a thing people!!!) & coming to grips with guilt over with my decision to honor the Bad Moms Christmas movie & not send Christmas cards this year (Sorry Mom… In advance.)

So when my BFF Shelly and I were invited to a Real Housewives Themed Bunco party, I was super stoked. This tired mama more than needed a night out!.

Full disclosure, I proudly claim The Real Housewives of Anywhere one of my most thrilling & yet equally embarrassing guilty pleasures.

The invite challenged us to embody either our favorite housewife or the housewife we most related to…

Which one? Which one? The possibilities were endless.

Luckily for me, there was a handy dandy quiz to help me find out.

  • Did I recently jet off to another state in search of a miniature pony? Um No.

     
     

  • Did I sell my 10 million dollar house, only to upsize to one with 15 bathrooms with a champagne bell conveniently located in the master closet? Not unless screaming at my husband from 3 rooms away to bring me a glass of wine counts? I’m guessing probably not.

 

  • Was my biggest stressor in life finding the perfect outfit to wear to my annual White party? (Nope again) I digress, but WHAT?

    Who in their right mind has a white party? Don’t people know how hard it is to get red wine stains out of clothing?? Strike 3.

After trudging through the extremely thoughtful yet super shallow & super depressing 5 questions, my results were in…..

Wait…WHAT?

UMNO!!!!!!!!

Turns out that the housewife I was most compatible with was not even on my radar, let alone one of my top 5 faves.

So when I called my sister from another mister to discuss my dismal quiz results & our equally dismal costume options, she had the perfect response…

“Do we really have to dress up? Can’t we just go as the real $%$^&&ing housewives we are? TIRED ONES!!!!REAL TIRED ONES!!!””

Yes!!! Yes!! I thought to myself. Instantly I felt a sense of relief (This is why Shelly is my ETERNAL ride or die-What would I do without her? )

Turns out, we didn’t even need a costume. We could just wear the yoga pants we’ve had on for 3 days straight.(Don’t be grossed out…We didn’t actually exercise in them.. WHO HAS TIME TO ACTUALLY EXERCISE?)

Part two of our costume could be our Tarje’ sweatshirts that sport our Coffee til Cocktails mantra. Truth be told, most days can’t we just skip straight to the cocktails???

So here’s to all of the REAL housewives out there!….R.E.A.L. tired ones. Not sure you qualify? Just take my handy dandy quiz!

Are you or have you ever been….

  • R….eady to shank anyone who messes with your kid?
  • E…specially irritable and easily annoyed (ALL the time by___(Anything & everything)?
  • A…lways broke from buying kid crap, sending your kid to summer camp, creating a wardrobe for your Elf on the Shelf? (Philosophical question: Does an Elf really NEED a motorcycle jacket?
  • L…ast but certainly not least…Literally on the verge of a nervous breakdown?

Well congrats …if you answered yes to even one of these questions…You are
a REAL HOUSEWIFE!!!

The quiz options are endless…

(R) running on empty?

(E) ating leftover goldfish randomly plucked from the center console of your mini-van or mid-sized S.U.V.?

(A)lways late!

(L)iking annoying people’s posts on FACEBOOK?…(YAY! I’m so freaking glad you just returned from a 2 week vaca in Greece whilst the most exciting place I ventured to this week was the Colleyville Post Office…ETERNAL EYE ROLL!

In a cruel twist of Charles Dickens like fate, after all of this costume planning & pondering, the long anticipated bunco party got canceled because …..

You guessed it….We were all too tired!!!!

Here’s to you REAL HOUSEWIVES everywhere!

Whether you are tossing tables, coordinating outfits for your hairless cats OR more likely, just trying to get through the day without killing someone who shares your D.N.A. , you will be ok. ..eventually anyway. It will all be ok-one of these days.

Just focus on getting through the next 10 minutes or do what my favorite author Glennon Melton Doyle says, ” Just do the next right thing.” Those 6 words have gotten me through many a mom-life crisis. Just do the next right REAL
thing. Thank you to all of the moms who help me remember that tired or not, we are all just “keeping it REAL!”

  

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