Have I mentioned yet that I’m currently pregnant with baby #3? Have I told you already that I’m going to have 3 kids? Forgive my redundancy here, I’m still trying to let this sink in…
I always wanted three kids. I told my husband this from the time we first started dating, and I wouldn’t let it go when he tried to convince me I was crazy after our second child was born. And now that the act is under way, I feel pretty close to nuts. I mean, the two kids I have already keep me right on the edge of insanity each and every day. How could I possibly handle three?
Well, time will tell on that one, but for now I’ve got my hands (and my mind) full of trying to stop myself from worrying so much about the future and get back to the present. Believe me, I am finding this hard to do these days…
So, how do I do this mindful mommy thing?
How do I catch my worried thoughts and bring them back into the moment?
How do I connect with my kids when their screaming and fighting send terror up my spine as I visualize this all happening with a newborn thrown into the mix?
How do I ease up on the demands that I put on myself to be the perfect, put together, calm, fully dressed, happy mom that I expect myself to be?
I let that shit go.
I accept that there will be moments when I am not so connected. Like when I am the mom who screams and yells at my kids because they just woke up the baby.
I accept that I may feel worried sometimes that I’m doing a crummy job and damaging all my children in one fell swoop.
I accept that there will be more days than not that I don’t even get out of my bathrobe, let alone put on makeup. Brush my teeth? We’ll set high hopes for that one.
I accept that I will most likely have days where I’m not in the mood, just don’t want to do it, try to pull the covers over my ears, and hope it will all go away.
I’ll get up, I’ll wash my face, drink my 5 cups of coffee, kiss my children, tell them I’m sorry for yelling (again), and listen to them laugh while playing hide and go seek under my son’s bed.
I’ll hold my breath when they are being sweet to each other, then remember to breathe and take in all the sweet moments, because there are many.
And, I’ll forgive myself for not being as perfect as I had planned to be.
I’ll hope, as I do everyday, that the good outweighed the bad and that my children see how much I love them despite how hard I’m trying.
I’ll remind myself to just “be” with them and let it all be messy and imperfect. Because this being with is what matters most in the end.
After all, I chose to have kids to love on them, kiss them, hug them, uplift them, help them, encourage them, support them, protect them, and most of all, do all I can in my power to help them enjoy life to the fullest.
So, I suppose I better get to enjoying – like really enjoying – my life as their mom.
The only way I know how to really do this is to let go of all the “should, shouldn’t, have to, ought to, need to, must do’s” that I set out for myself. And just be.
One of favorite sayings of all time is:
“Be here now”.
This is a mantra we all need. A reminder to be in the moment, here in the present, right now at this point in time. It’s not always easy to do, but it is where all the goodness takes place.
Be. Here. Now. (And let the other shit go).