I feel oddly calm and at peace today. Not to imply that feeling calm or at peace is odd, these are quite pleasant feelings in fact. It’s just that I am curious as to where these feelings came from and why they are visiting me today. I often spend time reflecting on what seems wrong or seems worth changing, but rarely do I focus in on what is going right. Which, is worth fixing in and of itself, now that I think of it. Doesn’t it make sense to enhance what feels good instead of trying to change what feels bad?
We might need to adjust a bit of verbiage before continuing on here…
No feelings are inherently bad, they just are what they are.
Possibly our reactions to the feelings might need modification but not the feelings themselves. Feelings come and go, none are good nor bad. Pleasant? Unpleasant? Yes. And it is this desire to cling to and hold tightly to the pleasurable feelings that cause more distress than the feelings themselves. But, I digress….
Back to what I was saying – looking into the pleasant feeling to understand more fully where it is coming from… well, I’ve concluded a couple of ideas:
- I’m resurfacing from some heavy soul diving and enjoying the calmness of the surf for the time being. I feel content, proud even, in knowing I did a difficult thing by going beyond my comfort zone and now I’m floating above, pleased with my progress. This feels empowering in a very serene way. Ahhhhh.
- I have been focusing on being more present focused, present minded. More mindful. And much more accepting of myself and what’s happening around me. My children, for example, aren’t inspiring quick fits of rage within me during these more mentally settled moments. A nice reprieve for them, I imagine.
There is a clear correlation between number 1 and number 2. I recognize that I needed to go through the unpleasantries of uncovering old feelings and buried insecurities in order to create space for something, well, new. It’s like cleaning out the basement. You avoid it because you know it’s a mess and probably stinks, but once you throw out all the trash you’ve got a whole new room to build into.
I’m not saying I’ve cleaned out all my trash. That would be quite presumptuous of me. But I can say I have cleaned out another corner. Now I can sit and enjoy the openness, the calm, and the peace of a crap-free corner.
So now in effort of my intention to explore where and how my state of peace came to be, it is fitting to say that sometimes it is necessary to endure a bit of a storm in order to find the clearing after the rain. Part of the pleasure is in noticing that you did survive. Noticing this strength of survival gives you the confidence that you can more bravely, more gracefully take on the next storm as it passes through.
It will come. It will pass. You will survive. So long as you choose to endure.