Wow. So the blog is live and my mind is swirling. So much energy, the good kind and the not so good, all running around in my head. T.A.B. as one of my best friends likes to say – Take A Breath………….ahhhhh.
It’s hard to describe to myself what I’m feeling right now – excitement, liberation, anxiety, fear, pressure, and freedom all at once. No wonder my head hurts.
Most of all, the excitement and liberation take center stage here. Excited to speak, to myself and to others. Liberation to open up and share what I normally would keep inside. It’s like I can breathe more fully. Exhale it out. And feel empowered and proud for doing so. What a great feeling.
Then, after this comes the anxiety, the fear. The fear of being open. I mean, come on, obviously there’s a reason I have kept things in. But that feels like old stuff. Desert Thinking I’m calling it now. Dried up, old, dead, lifeless thinking. The kind of thinking I’m ready to leave behind. What a relief.
So, I’m not so anxious about the walking away part but the walking into. I have a sense for where I’m going but I don’t know what it looks like, how it feels, or what will take place. It’s all new.
Newness generally comes with some amount of anxiety – fear of the unknown we could call it. One of my therapists past, whom I credit and thank for a large amount of helping me on my adult path to self growth, once told me that this type of anxiety is the good kind – the kind that let’s you know you’re onto something good. You don’t know it yet, but you will when you get there. All it takes is trusting yourself and trusting the process. Sounds simple… we all know it’s not. But, it is for sure worth it.
So I go. I am ready. Fired up even. And determined to go forth on this journey of self exposure and self discovery. The discovery part feels safe, the exposure part, a little more scary but less scary than staying behind. That’s when you really know you’re ready for something new. When the idea of staying behind feels scarier, more burdensome, than the idea of moving ahead. When you reach this point you know there’s only one way to go.
Fear or no fear, into the great unknown. It’s in this place I know I’m going to be found.