Speaking Up: What Are We So Afraid Of?

Speaking up… In my post last week on authenticity I referenced the notion of speaking up as one component to authentic freedom. Of all the 5 points I listed, speaking up seemed to bring on the most feedback. I heard things like, “I really need to work on speaking up”, “I don’t speak up enough”, and “thank you for giving me permission to speak up for myself”.

This got me thinking: What is it about speaking up – bringing voice to our feelings and thoughts – that causes so much anxiety and apprehension? I realized this is worth exploring…

Continue reading

REST…Why is it so Damn Hard to Take a Break?

 

What is it with women and resting (or should I say not resting)? I’m sure there are women out there who are adept at taking it easy when in need, but for most (all) of the women I know resting equates to staying in your pj’s while you clean the house, wash the laundry, fold the laundry, grocery shop, cook, and clean again. Then when that’s all done you “rest” for 15 minutes on the couch before remembering you need to pack lunches, iron clothes, and prep the coffee maker for the next day ahead. I need a rest just thinking about this “restful” day.

So what is it that makes putting off and putting down the to-do list so damn hard?


I’m only going to scratch the surface on this one today. I plan to write much more on this after a little further research. I am curious to know what prevents you from really resting. Not just when you’re shaking from a fever or vomiting from the latest stomach bug your kid brought home. That’s recovery, not rest.

I’m talking about the kind of rest you give yourself because you’ve been doing and giving to everyone else all day or all week and you realize your mental and physical fuel is running on empty. Or, the kind of rest when you’ve been offering your ear to your sister, your mom, your best friend, your husband, your co-workers, your kids, whomever and your now at the point where the only reasonable response you can mutter is “Mmmhhhmmmm. Ohhhh. Ahhhh. Hmmmm.”

We all need rest, but we don’t all take it. Usually it takes a collapse in immunity, emotional control, or physical stability to wake us up to the fact that we’ve overdone it, again.

So, please, help me in this quest of trying to understand why we push, why we ignore, and why we flat out refuse to give ourselves the rest and care that we would most certainly recommend to anyone else. Share with me your experience and your struggle in the ongoing battle with rest. I’m all ears.

			

YOGA? Y.ou O.nly G.ott A.

Breathe. 

It is more than a little ironic that Yoga is the activity I turn to on a daily basis to cope with the ups and downs of being a parent.  The more I think about it, the more I realize YOGA is the perfect metaphor for parenting.

I can almost hear each reader’s audible ugh as I type this post. YOGA….

Ya either love it, hate it, OR BOTH. Some of you haven’t tried it yet. Some of you never will. Kind of sums up having children does it?

 I can’t recall exactly when my love affair with yoga began, but let me assure you; it definitely was NOT love at first sight. Truth be told, my first date with yoga TOTALLY sucked.

First of all, before the date even started, Yoga wanted me to be quiet-STRIKE 1- I like to talk. Correction: I LOOOVE talking. Besides, how are we going to know if we like each other if we don’t talk?

Our love connection was off to a very rocky start.

Next,  YOGA proceeded to tell me to “be still”Seriously? Who the hell does this YOGA think he is? Doesn’t he realize I’m a mom & dishes don’t wash themselves? I’ve got things to do.  Furthermore, when I am still…I start thinking. I think too much…waay toooo much.  Strike 2.

The final strike came when Yoga wanted me to set an intention.  An intention for what? Staying alive? Fine. My intention was pretty much to try  super hard not to throw up or pass out OR die a heaping hot sweaty mess in the middle of all of these toned and tan & oddly serene strangers.

Ok…you win YOGA. I intend to survive this class.

As it turns out, I not only survived the first date; I  came back for more. 

YOGA and I  proceeded to “date” on and off for the next  few years. We even broke up a few times (my decision), before I realized that I really missed it..and loved it….and NEEEEEEEEEEEDED IT.

So now we are back together…at least for the time being. 

 

Anyway, I digress. My point was to tell you how lessons learned in YOGA mirror that of my experience in parenting.

YOGA ASKS THAT WE: 

  • Show up. Most days, making it onto your mat is the hardest part.
  • Set an intention to guide your practice.  Intentions are unique and change on a daily basis depending on your child’s sugar intake & the amount of caffeine you have ingested.
    OOOOMMM…Why is this so hard?

    Today, I want my children to be responsible, compassionate, passionate about learning, and kind. Tomorrow I intend to not screw them up too much. By Wednesday, my intention is usually not to throw up, pass out or die trying.

  • Focus inward…. How does the vision I have of myself, others and the world shape my choices as a parent.  How am I reacting to their successes & failures?  What parts of my own childhood am I replicating or running from and why?
  • Rest. It is a sign of strength. I repeat..RESTING IS ALWAYS A SIGN OF STRENGTH, never a sign of weakness.
  • Be flexible. The more rigid you are, the more it’s gonna hurt.
  • Focus on small daily progress.  The practice doesn’t change. You do.
  • Don’t look around. When you do, you give your energy away. This is not a competition & comparisons are a not helpful.
  • Be present.  Looking behind or ahead only distracts you from making the most each moment.
  • BREATHE…You Only Gott A Breathe…When you feel like giving up (& you will want to), you only gotta breathe.  As long as you are breathing and staying present, you are doing it right.

Other lessons from “Yoga”…

  • You will never do it perfectly no matter how hard you try. In fact, you will often fall. You will  look super weird and awkward…crazy even.  The good news is, so does everybody else!
  • It sometimes feels like it will never end.
  • It’s crowded & sweaty….Everyone else is working hard too.
  • Everyone has an opinion about how to do it & people are really quick to point out that you are doing it wrong. Tell them to shut the * up and get back on their own mat. 
  • You mostly go it alone-unless you count the other awkward, hot sweaty messes around you.
  • You may or may not have a teacher. If you do, you are lucky. But keep in mind, he or she is just a guide. …She/He doesn’t have all the answers either.

Namaste…the sweaty hot mess in me honors the sweaty hot mess in you.

 

some days i just need a few more hours

The last few weeks have felt like a race.

life is not a race

End of school projects, events and parties. Wrapping up sports…I am not sure why I broke my one sport each rule. Wait, yes I do, so they can find their favorite. A packed work schedule, plus travel for a 3 day conference. Not to mention Mother’s day festivities and a staycation weekend with my hubby. I did not get to make it to dinner with my tribe one night because both kids had to be on separate parts of town at the same time. I did not finish the craft project for sister’s nursery. I haven’t seen my BFF in months and I need some guacamole! I have not been eating as healthy as I’d like and I sure have not been making it to yoga. My house looks very lived in and we are expecting a letter from the HOA any day about the weeds in the flower bed. Some days I just need more hours in the day.

I laid in bed last night with my mind racing of the many to-dos I need and want to do. I laid in bed last night feeling guilty I have not been present enough for those I cherish the most. I laid in bed wondering if I should just get up and get to work. I laid in bed wishing I had a maid and lawn service on call. I laid in bed wishing I just had more help. I laid in bed wondering if my priorities are off. I laid in bed wishing there were more hours to the day so I can just catch up.

This is all very convicting because if you have been following me I am all about showing up, not glorifying being busy and setting priorities. Okay, so my dilemma is ALL this is a priority. My marriage, being a mom, being a good therapist, being a good sister, being a good friend, growing my business, staying mentally health, staying physically healthy. With all this comes being real, honest, and authentic. This is all convicting because even though these are my priorities and I preach this all the time to others, it is hard. This is a day I could use just a few more hours.

Today I am feeling a bit defeated.

Today I am feeling sad.

Today I am feeling overwhelmed.

Today I am feeling like a failure.

Today I am feeling tired.

Today I must take one step at a time.

be present

Today is a refresher course of being in the fire. Today I gain wisdom about myself, my relationships, my goals, my priorities.

Today I dig for strength to put one step in front of the other. Wake up, get up, put on my makeup, one step in front of the other. I dig for strength to show up, my kids need me as they are a bit run down from all the rush rush lately too. I dig for strength to trust that even my though my marriage is not perfect, we are forgiving of one another for times of disconnection and discontent. I dig for strength to show up for my client’s as they work on their story.

be kind

I am reminded that I must be kind to myself. Another reminder to practice what I preach. Be kind and loving. Kindness comes from a practice of mindfulness to not allow all the self-sabotage talk to soak in. Kindness is reminding myself that perfection is an illusion, perfectly imperfect is the goal. Taking one step at a time is good enough.

Today has been hard.

I pray tomorrow is better.

Right now I will pray, I will rest, I will reset.

Mother May I?

Mother May I…just get through this month!

Those of you who are as old as I am probably played the game Mother May I at least once in your life. The basic gist of the game (for you hot young mamas) is that two teams stand in separate lines and ask for permission to do a certain action…i.e. Mother may I take 4 steps forward?

The “mother ” on the opposing team can grant or deny this request and/or add a modification to the request to suite her liking. Any player who forgets to ask for “Mother’s permission” before taking action has to go back to the starting line.

The irony of this post is that it is officially May (ugh) and as a mother I really want to ask for permission to take 10 steps back, fall into bed,pull the covers over my head and wake up on July 1st!

If you are a mom-you know MAY!! It is that short month squashed between April and June that is chocked full of field trips, award ceremonies, bug spray, field days, and mom “daze.”

May is the reason they invented blood pressure medicine, Xanax and booze.

 May means more than a calendar that is over sharpied. It’s an ending….

And endings are hard for me.

Endings make me feel nostalgic..

So this May, “Mother May I” remember to…

  • Allow my kids to know what it feels like to be “bored”
  • Savor every last drop of that  melting popsicle
  • Kiss the red kool-aid mustache on my son’s face
  • Build a sandcastle or bury my body and my worries in the sand
  • Kitchen dance in bare feet to Brown Eyed Girl
  • Soak in the  sun on my skin
  • Sloooooowwwww down & sleep LATE
  • Breath deeply…and just BE. .
  • Mother May I be mindful that there are only so many summers left before my babies are out on their own!

Angie

 

Mother’s Day Hangover

I woke up with a hangover Monday.

A Mother’s day hangover.

Before the 5:30 alarm went off my mind was racing with all that had to get done since I “took the day off” for Mother’s Day.  As I had mentioned I did not want breakfast in bed, I knew our day consisted of football games and basketball games, leaving my main request for a Mambo taxi by the end of the day.

How did the day actually go down?

Continue reading

You Will Never…

Have this day with your children again.

Tomorrow they will be a little older than they are today.

This day is a gift.

So  breathe, notice, study their faces and sweet little (or big) feet.

Pay attention to their details.

Relish the charms of the present.

ENJOY today. It will be over before you know it.

I had planned a great big loooooong amazing mom post for Mother’s Day (no pressure)…and then my life happened. There were legos to build, juice boxes to buy, smooches to give and movies to see.

 Fellow mom, Happy Day! You are loved.

Thank you Mom & Mom Glancy for being the best role models a girl could ask for! Love you both. 

Happy Mother’s Day 2017! Angie

Sunday Self Care – FUN!

It’s Sunday Funday!

fun

What are you doing FUN today?

When was the last time you had FUN?

Can you think of something you want to do that is FUN?

I ask this question a lot to my clients and more times than not I get a blank stare or stark silence as the answer. In the multitude of to-dos we all have heard that self care inevitably needs to be a priority. Fun needs to be at the top!

Let me remind you what FUN means:

fun

Why stop and have fun? Because it gives you natural joy, it makes you smile, it usually changes the pace, all things we need.

When was the last time you had FUN with your husband?

Don’t tell me you don’t have enough time. Don’t tell me yall don’t know how to have fun together anymore. Don’t tell me you don’t want to spend the money. I don’t accept excuses.

Think back to when you were dating, what did yall do for fun? Remember how it used to be a priority, back when you liked your husband more…….see the connection….fun + together = liking your spouse again.

When was the last time you had fun with your kids?

No I don’t mean the hours you are in the car together going from baseball practice, to the birthday party, to going to see Mimi. I mean when did you have fun with them. As in putting down the cell phone and chasing bubbles together. As in playing a game together. As in having a dance party in the living room or as Dillon often requests, family night at Dave & Busters.

When was the last time you had fun?

If you cannot come up with a good answer it is time to make FUN a priority again.
funfunfunfun

Dear Human,

Dear Human,

You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you will return. You came here to learn personal love.

Universal love. Messy Love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken Love. Whole love.

Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of….messing up. Often.

You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering.

But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that YOU SHOW UP. And do your best.

That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s plenty.

-Courtney A. Walsh

I needed this today. It spoke to my heart. I hope it speaks to yours too!

Angie Glancy