Change: Means Sometimes Saying Goodbye

Change Change. It is a’comin. We are nearing the end of a school year and for most that means saying goodbye to familiar faces (young and old), comfortable places (known for one year or many), multiple school assignments, drawings, paintings, and projects that were once the subject of much debate, success, or demise. And from here, we look onward to a new school year. Change, it is a’comin.

At least we still have summer…

I’m especially aware of this time of change as my oldest child will be heading to kindergarten in the Fall. I thought I was ready for this until I went to register him at the elementary school.  At first I felt excited about the newness of the building, the pretty flowers out front, and the friendliness of the office staff. Then, I glanced down the hallways…. the big, long hallways. Those are too big for my kid, I thought to myself. He’ll feel lost. Overwhelmed. Scared. Alone. Certainly they’ll let me stay with him through his whole first day. Yes, certainly they will.

At least we still have summer….

I walked away from the school feeling a little heavier than when I walked in and I realized: Change. It is a ‘comin.

Change is hard. For me at least. Everyone who knows me knows I suck at change. Change, even for a 5 year old, means saying goodbye. Goodbye to the familiar and Hello to the unknown. Even the most exciting of changes means some kind of goodbye. Even when you can’t wait to get away from the familiar, it is still goodbye.  Is some change easier to manage than others? Sure. Though, even in the best of cases you are leaving a part of yourself behind. Sometimes you must. Because the new place you’re going doesn’t have room for the old.

You can’t hang on and move on at the same time.

 Change is hard. It may feel sad. Even when it’s good. Tears of sadness may be mixed with tears of gratitude. Confused salty tears. Such is the taste of change.

But, at least we still have summer.

How To Ask For Help: Step #1 Speak Up.

On Sunday we talked about asking for help. Speaking up. It has been said, “You don’t get what you don’t ask for”. Well, maybe it hasn’t been said, but I’m saying it now.

It takes courage and confidence to bravely ask for what you need. But, don’t be dismayed. If you don’t feel courageous, confident, or brave you can still “practice” speaking up. Actually, I tend to believe it’s through this practicing that we become confident, courageous, and brave.
You’ve got to start somewhere.

How to do it:

  • Know what you need (this one can be tough. Do the best you can with what you know now.)
  • Have a viable method of communication. (Don’t want to say it? Write it, type it, dance it!)
  • Gather up a teensy tiny bit of guts and put it out there. (You’ve got this!)

Still not convinced? Today is the perfect day to practice.
Why not start here and now?

We want to hear from you!

 So, SPEAK UP! and tell us:
  1.  What is it that you need?
  2. How do you/how can you ask for it?

Let’s take this as a mini therapy exercise…And go!


“I’m Trying to Feel Confident”: And Other Anxiety Avoiding Methods.

I met a little girl recently- she was coming in for her first counseling session to find a way out of her fairly extreme anxiety and worry. Given this knowledge of her current state of mind, I anticipated she would feel a little nervous getting started. As I usually do upon meeting a child for the first time, I asked her,  “how do you feel about being here today?” She shifted a bit in her seat, straightened her back to assist her in sitting as tall as possible, and then responded,
"I am trying to feel confident."
A bit taken aback by this statement, I responded, “Well, in here it is okay to feel however you really feel. Confident. Shy. Nervous. Scared. Happy. Sad. Whatever.”

“Oh.”, she replied as she relaxed her back into the chair, easing her shoulders into place. “Okay then.”

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Approval Addiction: How to Un-Junky Yourself.

I was going to take a day off from writing, but what I’m finding since I’ve begun this journey is that this form of writing is somewhat addicting. The good kind of addiction, the kind that feeds your soul instead of stealing from it. The kind that nourishes your spirit and your mind instead of sucking it dry. Yes…the good kind of addiction.

But, while I’m experiencing this nourishment and enrichment of my mind and soul, I am well aware of the counter part – the other addiction, the bad kind… the addiction to pleasing others and gaining approval from well, you. This is a very bad kind of addiction. And one that I know unfortunately, many if not most of us struggle with daily.

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