one step at a time

Sometimes you just have to take life one step at a time. I have been telling myself this a lot lately as the storm in my life is still swirling out of control. I still feel so out of control. My dad lays in a hospital bed so confused about what all is going on. My mom is putting on her strong face while she is falling apart inside. My sister is waiting anxiously to meet her first child. Hubby is trying to hold it together but I know he is hurting as my Dad is the only father figure he has ever had. My kids cannot possibly understand the depth of this storm yet they are being troopers with the change in pace.

Continue reading

Grieving is A Process

The following post is from a precious member of my tribe, who tragically lost her brother recently. She was brave enough to share the following:

 

I wrote this social media post in March 2017 after finally acknowledging that I was in a process of grief about the death of my younger brother. I say “a process”, but really it is MY process. Because mine is different from yours, or anyone else’s. Just like every life and every fingerprint, loss is as individual as the person grieving.
Since I wrote this, I have had countless blessings. And my moments of happiness stretch further and further each week. I am still sad, but empowering myself enough to acknowledge it, has given me the room and time to find joy again too.

“Please forgive the length of this post. I have been feeling a tug inside of me to share these words, so perhaps there is someone else who needs to read them. Or perhaps I just need to let them out.
Sometimes it feels like grief for the loss of my brother Daniel is an unwelcome guest in my heart. It is very polite & doesn’t make too much of a mess most days. But I would still prefer for this grief to move on.
February 2nd was the first day since January 17, 2017 that I felt joy for a moment. And then moments free from grief and sadness began stretching out a little bit each day. But sometimes, grief will pop up and spin my head around so hard it hurts.
I know that so many before me have traveled this path after losing their own brothers, sisters, parents, children, spouses and dear friends. And I know that as broken as my heart is right now, God is slowly putting it back together the same way he has put together all of the others before mine. God is granting me the strength, blessings and peace to journey on to the point where Dan’s life becomes more bright in my mind than his death.
So my strength right now is only borrowed.
Because when I arrive at the fork at the end of this path, and when the grief in my heart has eased into something more bearable, I will look at this journey I have taken and see His footprints behind me.
So I am going to stay in my sadness for awhile longer. But through His Grace, and with the support of the amazing people I am blessed to call family and friends, this grief inside my heart is slowly being healed.
I have so much gratitude for the love, messages, prayers and laughter everyone has sent my way. Thank you!”

Change: Means Sometimes Saying Goodbye

Change Change. It is a’comin. We are nearing the end of a school year and for most that means saying goodbye to familiar faces (young and old), comfortable places (known for one year or many), multiple school assignments, drawings, paintings, and projects that were once the subject of much debate, success, or demise. And from here, we look onward to a new school year. Change, it is a’comin.


At least we still have summer…


I’m especially aware of this time of change as my oldest child will be heading to kindergarten in the Fall. I thought I was ready for this until I went to register him at the elementary school.  At first I felt excited about the newness of the building, the pretty flowers out front, and the friendliness of the office staff. Then, I glanced down the hallways…. the big, long hallways. Those are too big for my kid, I thought to myself. He’ll feel lost. Overwhelmed. Scared. Alone. Certainly they’ll let me stay with him through his whole first day. Yes, certainly they will.

At least we still have summer….

I walked away from the school feeling a little heavier than when I walked in and I realized: Change. It is a ‘comin.

Change is hard. For me at least. Everyone who knows me knows I suck at change. Change, even for a 5 year old, means saying goodbye. Goodbye to the familiar and Hello to the unknown. Even the most exciting of changes means some kind of goodbye. Even when you can’t wait to get away from the familiar, it is still goodbye.  Is some change easier to manage than others? Sure. Though, even in the best of cases you are leaving a part of yourself behind. Sometimes you must. Because the new place you’re going doesn’t have room for the old.

You can’t hang on and move on at the same time.

 Change is hard. It may feel sad. Even when it’s good. Tears of sadness may be mixed with tears of gratitude. Confused salty tears. Such is the taste of change.

But, at least we still have summer.