“be more flexible” he says……The act of being flexible – ready and able to change so as to adapt to different circumstance.
This is not one of my strengths hence why it is a frequent conversation my husband and I have. I prefer to stick to my to do list, my schedule, my plan. Being married to a man who lives life by the seat of his pants challenges me to say the least. “be more flexible…” he says
Not only has marriage challenged me to be more flexible, having two boys has made me face it head on.
Why is being more flexible a daily challenge for me? Because control has ruled my life since I can remember. I seek ways to feel in control, healthy and un-healthy. Thankfully I have spent a lot of time on the couch working through my control issues. I know where they come from, I know what sets old habits into action and I can usually catch myself much sooner than back in my teens.
I knew launching this blog would challenge me, push me and motivate me. I did not account for the fact that once I pushed publish I would feel so out of my control. What is out of my control?
“will they like it”
“what will they think”
“how many people will read it”
“will anyone comment”
“is it good enough”
“will it speak to anyone”
“will they think I am crazy”
“will they not want to be my friend anymore”
This left me stirring after my last post. This left me with a vulnerability hangover. This has left me exhausted, drained, scared, anxious, fearful, out of control.
So what did I do? I challenged my mindset. Everything that happens after I push publish is out of my control. Challenging me to work on facing my fears, allowing flexibility to steady the ground I walk on.
Truth is being Flexible can be FUN!
Flexibility can be Freeing.
Flexibility can be Full of hope.
Flexibility forces me to have Faith.
“be more flexible” he says……this is so hard.
So hard because I want to be in control. I want to be in control because I have told myself so many times that control keeps me safe from my fears. Fears of being judged, fears of being rejected, fears of not being good enough. My list of fears can go on and on and on but I am going to stop right there because I am working on being more flexible not allowing fear to come back.
“be more flexible…” he says. What my husband is really challenging me to do is to be more open. Open for love, open for growth, open for change, open for fun!
Open for fun? This is where my boys have pushed me to remember the importance for making time for fun. No, I am not too busy to come play basketball with you. Truth is I need a break from mopping the floors, folding clothes, my to do list. Truth is I need their push to break away and have fun. Boys want to play, mine play hard. From the moment they wake up till I make them go to bed. I am blessed with boys who get bored watching TV, heck they want to have fun. They are my constant reminders that there is always time for fun.
Fun gives way to creativity. When I allow myself to be flexible, to be open, to have fun, creativity comes. This is where I restore. Ironically I find my calm in creativity, not control. So as I push publish again leaving so much out of my control, I remember to challenge myself, to be more flexible today because it leaves me open to so much more.