3 A’s in Relationships

The 3 A’s of Relationships

It really is simple…Right?

Not always.

The 3 A’s of Relationships are things that ‘should’ happen naturally in relationships we cherish, yet I find myself reminding those on the couch often about them. And truth…reminding myself of them too.

What are they?

  1. Attention

  2. Appreciation

  3. Affection

Let’s start with Attention. We naturally give our energy to things we love and cherish. Attention is a simple greeting or even slight acknowledgement when they enter the room. Attention is noticing their small bids for attention and responding; noticing their laugh as they read something funny to a shriek of pain when they stub their foot. Attention is expressing interest, care, or concern about the big project they are working on at work or their progress on their new goal of losing 10 pounds.


If this is so simple, why is it sometimes difficult to give attention to our partners?

Then there is Appreciation. You can show it. You can say it. We all have an emotional need for appreciation, some more than others, but we ALL do. Appreciation is like fuel, it motivates us, drives us, make us feel full. You can express your Appreciation to your partner with simple words. A “Thank You.” You can dig a little deeper and be more specific. “I appreciate all your hard work building our new fence.” Words of Appreciation can be said out loud, left on a post it note, send in a text, written in a card.


If saying “I appreciate you” sounds so simple, why is it sometimes difficult to deliver?

Affection. Subtle or strong. All humans need Affection. A hug when your partner gets home from work, holding hands while driving down the road, a slap on the rear when cooking dinner together, snuggling on the couch for movie night, sex on a Sunday morning. Affection is often more powerful when subtle, simple and soft. A touch, a glance, a hold. Affection lights the fuel on fire.


If Affection is so simple, why is so often withheld?


It’s Simple too…..

We let life and kids get in the way of the one we are making a life with.

I’m not gonna lie, I am as guilty of this as anyone. This is where the “practice what you preach” conviction stabs me in the gut. As I mentioned last week my husband and I took years to recover from having two kids in less than a year. With two littles we were in survival mode. I can make a list of excuses but I prefer to focus on today. Today I am reminded and reminding you that the 3 A’s (Attention, Appreciation & Affection) are key to keeping your #1 at the top of the list.

So here’s a few tips on keeping the 3 A’s alive:

Notice when your partner enters the room

Notice when your partner seems to want to share something with you

Say Thank You

Remind your partner what you appreciate about them and what they do

Reach out and touch your partner

Flirt with your partner

Have fun!

One thought on “3 A’s in Relationships

  1. Love this! I find when I’m NOT doing these things for my partner it’s because I’m feeling needy in my own way and looking for the 3 A’s to be given to me. This is when I realize I can choose to be assertive and express my need or passive aggressive, which never turns out well.

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